3 Things I Learned in Childhood That Can Help Us Now
I grew up in a family with six children and young parents who started this brood at the ripe old age of seventeen.
One of the luckiest things that ever happened to me in my life is that I got to be one of those six kids. I was part of a team. I mean, it only takes five people to make a basketball team. And we were only one short of nine that could make up a baseball team.
Over the past few days I have encountered my own fears of what is going on in the world, and for some reason my childhood keeps coming up. It dawned on me that there were some valuable things I learned during my childhood that may be helpful to all of you during times like these.
I hope these 3 things I learned in childhood can help you during these times of hardship:
-
Emotional Resilience and Grit Through Togetherness
In many ways we were fortunate for so many reasons. All six children were healthy. Parents who, despite their young age, were amazingly resourceful, hardworking and a dedicated pair to six little humans.
However, we weren’t without hardship. The one that stands out is when my dad was on strike from his factory job and we had to go on food stamps.
I was always amazed how my parents fed so many little mouths, put a roof over our heads and provided us as well as they did. I think my dad was a financial genius. He’s one of the most frugal people I know and is able to spread a dollar further than anyone (more on that later.)
We weren’t spoiled or didn’t have everything, that’s for sure. However, I never felt deprived of anything or fearful we wouldn’t have enough.
Until… my dad couldn’t work and we had food stamps to pay for our food. I remember there being an undertone of fear in the house. What if we run out of money? What if this strike goes on for a long time? What if we have to be on food stamps forever? There were many unknowns and many fears. I think it went on for a few months.
Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t necessarily sit around Kumbaya style talking about our fears. But, we did stick together as a family, as usual, and that alone carried us through to the other side. It provided a sense of security that we will get through this.
Us older kids were in junior high and high school, so of course we were worried what others would think that we were on food stamps. When we had to go to the store, we went together hoping we could somehow protect ourselves from the embarrassment of giving the clerk the food stamps. Togetherness helped. We could somehow dilute the embarrassment if we were in it together.
We couldn’t go out to restaurants or order Chinese food like we sometimes did as a special treat. We weren’t able to buy clothes during that time, nor were we able to go to the local swimming pool that summer. But, everything else was the same.
We still went to grandma and grandpa’s for our weekly Sunday delicious, homemade meal. One of my favorites was fried chicken, homemade noodles and mashed potatoes. Us kids, as always, pitched in to clean grandma’s kitchen after she slaved over the stove all day to feed the team.
Grandpa would still have some fun adventure for us to go on in their backyard that extended to the creek full of tadpoles to catch, that was further back. At that age it seemed like a 5-mile hike.
We still had family birthday parties that consisted of a simple Betty Crocker box cake mix, one gift and in our own home with extended family. I don’t remember ever having big birthday parties like they do now. Quite frankly, I believe my memories are longer lasting, and more meaningful, than any birthday memories that take place in Disneyland.
Because we had each other. We found security from fear in the way of being together. We had this built in emotional resilience and grit through being together, and being a part of something – our family. I think we even went and helped my dad picket in the front lines. Months later, my mom decided to go on strike…but that’s another story. lol
Therefore, I say “stick together” right now. Stick together as friends, families, neighbors, communities and as a society. Be part of the team that says “we’re in this together.” As scary as it is. Be there for each other. Enjoy the simplicity of life. Bake that shake and bake chicken and have friends over (some friends just did this for me!)
Do things together. In “teams of 10 or less.” My niece just texted that she stocked up on puzzles and board games. Pull out those old board games and play a game of monopoly.
Let’s face it. What is going on right now is devastating. The consequences are far reaching and deep. Let’s appreciate the simplicity of life and build emotional resilience and grit together.
-
We Are All Affected by Hardship, But We Are Not All Affected Equally
Although I never felt deprived as a child, we didn’t have a lot! Yet, we always knew there were people who were less fortunate than us. I think my parents must have given us some humble pie at times when we needed it. We knew we were never better than others, no matter what we had.
I don’t remember my parents specifically teaching us to help others. I believe they showed us. We saw them helping others. This was not over helping or people pleasing. It was simply helping someone when they needed it. They did it quietly, no acknowledgment needed. As a matter of fact, sometimes we didn’t even know until much later. It slipped out somehow.
I think we also learned to help others by helping each other within our team. The six of us kids were usually always going through something. Getting in trouble for something we shouldn’t have done. Poor grades. Suspended from school. Being bullied. We learned to be there for each other as best we could.
Pay attention to those people who are suffering more than you. There are many. Offer a gesture, a kind word of encouragement, validation or hope. Help others in any way you can. Be compassionate towards those less fortunate than you. We are all struggling.
“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” – Mother Teresa
Most importantly, go home and love your family. Face-time your grandparents and great grandparents. They are among the most vulnerable. Show them how special they are, because right now they are isolated and may be feeling more lonely and fearful than ever.
We are all affected by this hardship, but we are not all affected equally. Keep that in mind.
-
Use Only 2-3 Squares
My financial genius of a dad was a financial genius for a reason. He learned how to spread the dollar far enough to provide for his family of eight. He might even be the only person I know right now who isn’t scared. He knows how to make do with very little.
He was, and still is, a stickler against waste. Unfortunately, to his dismay (sorry dad) this trait did not rub off on any of us. However, I will say this current environment of the scarcity and shortage has reminded me of a memory and something my dad tried to teach us.
When we were young, he was determined to teach us kids to use only 2-3 squares. Yep, you’ve got that right. Of toilet paper. Of course, we laughed about it and thought it was a bit too frugal and he was going a bit too far with this one. It’s a family joke to this day and yet, I still think my dad is pretty wise to have the thriftiness gene.
You never know when you’ll really might need it!
I hope these 3 childhood lessons are helpful for you and your loved ones during these trying times of the COVID-19 pandemic. Stay safe, be resilient through togetherness, look out for those less fortunate than you, and use only 2-3 squares!
I also wanted to leave you with something that may give you some hope. I found this poem written by Fr. Richard Hendrick, OFM and posted on FB March 13th 2020 https://www.facebook.com/BroRichard
Lockdown
Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing.
March 13th 2020
